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And i wish i could take away all my pain with the blinks of my eyes as i look up at the dark night sky hoping your doing the same stick my hand deep within my chest rip my heart out and beat it throw it against a wall, on the ground and kick it around make it stop hurting my brain building such knots in my throat making me so sour in my mouth to swallow to behold these feelings i cant bare no longer this distance i cant stand you so far away this state is elevating, this hurt is only making me hate i again as i fell for somone so far away to love and not hold to listen and wonder and never behold what you love the most to not be able to do nothing but listen and wonder hurts my heart profoundly how could i love again so far away..how could i do this to myself when i knew and decieted my own flesh of my mind how could i hurt me again.. how could i?

COMMENTS

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Lordpeace
08:55 Aug 02 2009

When love beckons to you, follow him,

Though his ways are hard and steep.

And when his wings enfold you yield to him,

Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.

And when he speaks to you believe in him,

Though his voice may shatter your dreams

as the north wind lays waste the garden.



For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.

Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,

So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.



Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.

He threshes you to make you naked.

He sifts you to free you from your husks.

He grinds you to whiteness.

He kneads you until you are pliant;

And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.



All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.



But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,

Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,

Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.

Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.

Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;

For love is sufficient unto love.



When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, "I am in the heart of God."

And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.



Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.

But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:

To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.

To know the pain of too much tenderness.

To be wounded by your own understanding of love;

And to bleed willingly and joyfully.

To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;

To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;

To return home at eventide with gratitude;

And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.



Kahlil Gibran "The Prophet"

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So i wonder to hurt on the outside what would be on the inside, but deeper pain OBJECTION i rule the brain, so why dont i feel when i feed the cancer within me.. why dont i feel the pain of the square that kills my lungs to feed me pleasure of the so call addict lonely, lightheaded blow, nausiated gaging, he said to me "only smoke occasionaly with friends" but i never listend for its my world to crave..that pack was never my last those stems were always around for me to break down i feed my own cancer its my liver to bleed.. and i dont care till i see the face of the only girl in this world that makes me regret how advanced is my disease become now... that Angelic face my sister holds so cleverly, strikingly gorgeous that brings me to my knees ever so dirty rotton tears sting my cheeks, and my eyes burn, rotton tears knot up my throat that innosence she beholds withstand, holding her close to me in my arms running my hand through that silky baby hair staring at that face never makes me i ok, why wont i get, but its too late for me my livers falling apart my cancer burns the insides of my body, i can feel my liver bleed...all because i wanted to kill lonelyness with self hatred remorse of the ugly..

hence i swear as long as i live My little sister will never be like me EVER!!.. (I Promise me).. i wont let her.. If only she could understand what she does to me what power she holds at hand to seem so beautiful to me and make me quit I love you Samira S Corona mi ermanita y nunca sabras lo que tu eres para mi te amo chiquita ermosa..Te amo Para Siempre presiousa te lo promito que yo aria toda para ti para verte feliz, sonreir..Mi has captudaro este corazon.. gracias Carrita!

COMMENTS

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Lordpeace
08:56 Aug 02 2009

very touching

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